Following God's Lamp

It is 7:00 in the morning as I sit down at my computer to write. I have two loads in the dryer, my camera battery is charging, I am thinking about what I need to do today as I prepare for leaving town, possibly tomorrow. There is a lot I must get done before I can even think of taking off.

Before I purchased my car I had to take the bus everywhere or depend on others to take me where I needed to go. Both modes of transportation are slow. Both modes of transportation require waiting on others. So I thought once I got a car I would be able to get a lot more done in a much shorter amount of time, leaving me with more time at home to get work done. That has proven to be a fallacy. The truth is I seem to be even busier then I was before. Now some of the activities that are taking up more of my time are by choice. I am now able to attend the Tuesday night prayer meeting at church which I was unable to attend before due to lack of transportation. And the past two Tuesday’s I have picked up a gentleman who is unable to drive due to a stroke he had years ago. But most of my car trips are doing stuff that before I would have just put off until someone could take me. So I really am getting a lot more done, just not on the computer.

I went to bed pretty early last night and so I have been awake for several hours. As I laid in bed this morning thinking and praying, I remembered the first few years of my life with AOCCCI. The first year Lee Grover was in charge. In fact when I first met Lee and learned about this project he had in mind, I really was not interested. I occasionally gave him some female advice when he asked, but that was the extent of my involvement and I liked it like that. Then in April 1996 the Lord began to speak to my heart. Keep in mind I was still very ill with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS) at the time, and this ministry did not even have a name yet. But there was no mistaking what the Lord was saying to me. Not in words, but to my spirit. Only weeks earlier Lee had come to the conclusion that his idea would have to be a Christian ministry, and now the Lord was telling me He wanted me to be a part of it.

The first 10 months of my involvement were a difficult time. During those months both Lee and I learned about the mind/body/spirit connection and I was healed of MCS. Before my healing I could only work a few hours a day, mostly typing. We occasionally took road trips, where Lee had to keep in mind my fragile health. We also talked on the phone a lot, as Lee lived in the Texas Hill Country, an hour drive north of me. Once God healed me of MCS a lot changed. I suddenly could do things I had never been able to do before, mainly because I now had energy and was not reacting to everything in my environment. I think the change in me was difficult for Lee to get use to. Anyway, I was healed around October of 1996 and after that our conflicts became even greater.

I will never forget the February day I received a letter in the mail from Lee. My mother was visiting me that week and I was living in a very small apartment at the time. The only private space in my apartment was the bathroom, where I suddenly spent a lot of time in prayer. The letter Lee sent me basically said God told him to resign from AOCCCI and at my convenience he would bring all the files and other information he had gathered. Though we had been in a lot of conflict, I was not prepared for this letter. I immediately went into panic mode. Since Lee and I were the only people working on this ministry, by default his resignation left me the one in charge. Lee had filed the paper work with the state, but had barely begun the work required to apply for non-profit status with the IRS. There was a ton of work to do and I had no idea how to do any of it. I had never taken a business or legal class in my life (unless you count sitting in on my mother’s law school classes whenever she didn’t have a babysitter for me). I had no idea what to do or even where to begin. On top of that, my mother, who was not a Christian and therefore never prayed, was visiting me. I could not share anything I was going through with her, she would not have understood. So, I started taking very long showers (private place where I could pray). My mom got tired a lot and needed naps, so I would go into the bathroom and pray during her naps. During the week my mother visited me I spent a lot of time in the bathroom praying. There literally was nowhere else I could go and close the door for privacy.

During that week of panic praying, asking God for help, Psalm 119:105 came to my mind.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.”

The Lord would light my path one step at a time. First He gave me peace. He was still in control. I do not remember the very first direction He gave me, but it was enough to let me know exactly what my first step was to be. The rest of the week that my mom was with me was a time of calm. There was not much I could do until she left, so I just relaxed. As soon as my mother was out of town, I contacted Lee and in a few days he delivered several cardboard boxes of files to me. In the days, weeks, months, and years to come I would continue to seek the Lord for guidance and He provided me with all the support I needed to learn how to do what I needed to do. With the help of a pro bono attorney, I got the 501(c)3 papers submitted to the IRS just in time. Along with all the other legal papers that needed to be completed. God is good!

I have changed and grown a lot since 1997 when the Lord put me in charge of AOCCCI. In many ways I am a totally different person having grown spiritually in ways I could never have imagined. But I am still having to learn to follow God’s lamp as He directs my path one step at a time.

Unless something comes up to change my plans, I intend to leave bright and early tomorrow morning where I will head towards Kerrville, Junction, and who knows where. My purpose is to go property hunting. I do not have enough cash to buy property outright but it is time to start looking. Through prayer, I know this is the direction I am to go. Before Lee resigned, the two of us took many trips in this direction and even considered two pieces of rural property which we were unable to purchase at the time. One piece of property was in Real County. The other was in Kimble County. This summer when I started asking the Lord where I should began my search for land, these two sites came to mind. I am convinced that somewhere in that direction, basically west of San Antonio off Interstate 10, is the property the Lord has waiting for me to discover. I have no idea if this property will be revealed to me on this trip or on another trip I take a year or more from now. All I can do is follow God’s lamp as it lights each step I take.

Please keep me in your prayers. Thanks.